I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
