I bet he comes in French.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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