i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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