Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
