you traded sex for a burrito?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
