this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
