Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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