I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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