i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
