This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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