Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
