cat food counts as protein by the way
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
