Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
