oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
