Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
