I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
