I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
