here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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