I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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