Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
