I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
