The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
