I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
