I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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