i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
