she looked like the before picture.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
