lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
