I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
