I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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