nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
