hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We don't watch enough power rangers
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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