he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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