idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
