Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
