I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
