Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
