I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
