He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
