Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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