Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
