The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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