So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
