It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
bring money and cleavage
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
