If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
