Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
