Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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