He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
