i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
