so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
