OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Randomize
