Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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