I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
