I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
